The emotional devouring and empathy dismissal

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A society is evil when the majority, more than 50%, prefer making fun of someone who is suffering than helping him/her. Making fun is not a random behavior that can be dismissed. It shows emotional distance and detachment from the suffering.

Empathy is what keeps us humans from devouring each other. If the level of empathy is low, then we devour each other emotionally not physically. We seize opportunities to have fun as the most important thing in the world by any means possible.

We want to feel superior to another human being, express how silly and weak they are, and how we are smarter than him/her by being able to avoid suffering.

I’m always amazed by people’s ignorance. I had no idea how deep and dangerous the dismissal, the misunderstanding of each other, and the narrow-mindedness were.

I don’t want to seem arrogant and fall into the same mistake of wanting to be superior but this is my genuine perception. I don’t think I’m superior in all areas of Life, but intellectually I’m blessed more than the majority of people. I have my shortcomings in many practical areas of Life.

Social life is disgusting when the people who have good values are the minority, less than 50%. Good values are not determined by any specific doctrine. I’m talking about good values as values that encourage wanting a good life for others, helping the ones who are suffering or struggling, and doing what keeps harmony and a good environment for living together.

Unfortunately, I have never met someone in my whole life who praises his/her society’s values. Values are disappearing in front of self-interest, selfishness, and narcissism. I met fanatics about some political views or about religions but never about empathy. I talked to thousands of people and kept studying all types of people for more than 12 years. Empathy is generally low nowadays. Before 1950 and the Industrial Revolution, norms were imposed onto people socially, but at the same time, they were forced to care about each other. Yes, it’s contrary to a liberal view of the world and freedoms, but empathy is a skill, not only an innate attribute.

Empathy needs to be developed in society, proposed by wise social agents who are aware of its importance and are ready to supervise its mainstream.

Practical ways of fostering empathy will come to the surface once our hearts ❣️ have gone out from the darkness and are ready to receive emotional light.

It’s pessimistic and dark but a big picture of Social reality needs to be displayed for awareness and better decision making. Especially in the era of digital sharing when we give knowledge to everyone, the good and the evil people.

“Emotional devouring” and “empathy dismissal” are two distinct but often interconnected concepts that describe unhealthy dynamics in relationships, leading to significant distress for the individuals involved.

Emotional Devouring

While “emotional devouring” isn’t a formally recognized psychological term, it generally refers to a dynamic where one person (the “devourer”) consumes or overwhelms the emotional space, energy, and identity of another person (the “devoured”). This can manifest in several ways:

• Excessive Neediness and Demands: The devourer constantly seeks attention, validation, and emotional support from the other person, often to an insatiable degree. Their emotional well-being seems entirely dependent on the other, creating a heavy burden.
• Lack of Boundaries: The devourer may disregard the other person’s emotional boundaries, feeling entitled to their time, energy, and feelings without reciprocation or consideration for the other’s needs.
• Identity Erosion: The devoured person may find their own needs, desires, and identity slowly being absorbed or overshadowed by the devourer’s. They might lose a sense of who they are outside of the relationship.
• Guilt and Obligation: The devoured person often feels immense guilt if they try to set boundaries or tend to their own needs, as the devourer may react with distress, anger, or passive-aggressive behavior, making the devoured feel responsible for their emotional state.
• Emotional Draining: Being in a relationship with an “emotional devourer” can be incredibly exhausting and draining. The devoured person may feel constantly depleted, anxious, and overwhelmed.

It’s important to note that “emotional devouring” can sometimes be linked to concepts like emotional eating, where individuals use food to cope with overwhelming emotions, often due to unaddressed emotional needs or difficulties in setting boundaries in relationships. In this context, the food becomes a substitute for emotional nourishment that is lacking or being consumed by another.

Empathy Dismissal

Empathy dismissal, also known as emotional invalidation, is the act of denying, rejecting, or minimizing another person’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences. It sends the message that their subjective emotional reality is inaccurate, insignificant, or unacceptable. This can be profoundly damaging because it undermines a person’s sense of self and their ability to trust their own emotions.

Signs and examples of empathy dismissal:

• Minimizing statements: “You’re overreacting,” “It’s not that big a deal,” “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
• Dismissing feelings: “Just get over it,” “Why are you so sensitive?”
• Changing the subject or ignoring: When someone expresses a feeling, the other person might immediately shift the conversation, roll their eyes, or act indifferent.
• Comparing and one-upping: “It could be worse, at least you don’t have my problems,” or “I know exactly how you feel, but my situation was much harder.”
• Blaming the victim: “If you didn’t do X, you wouldn’t be feeling Y.”
• The Silent Treatment: Deliberately ignoring someone or refusing to communicate as a form of punishment or control.

Impact of Empathy Dismissal:

• Confusion and Self-Doubt: The invalidated person may begin to question their own perceptions and feelings, leading to self-doubt and a distorted sense of reality (often seen in gaslighting).
• Emotional Dysregulation: They may struggle to understand and manage their emotions because they’ve been taught that their feelings are “wrong” or invalid.
• Low Self-Esteem: Repeated invalidation can erode self-worth and lead to feelings of being unimportant or unlovable.
• Mental Health Issues: Chronic emotional invalidation can contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. It is also thought to be a factor in the development of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) when experienced in childhood.
• Relationship Breakdown: It creates a climate of distrust and emotional distance, making genuine connection impossible.

Interconnection

Emotional devouring and empathy dismissal can often go hand-in-hand:

• An emotional devourer might dismiss the other person’s feelings if those feelings interfere with their own needs or demands. For example, if the devoured person expresses feeling overwhelmed, the devourer might invalidate that feeling to maintain their supply of attention and energy.
• A person who consistently dismisses empathy may also be prone to emotional devouring, as they prioritize their own emotional experience and needs over those of others, believing that others’ feelings are less valid or important.

Both dynamics represent a profound lack of respect for the other person’s autonomy and emotional well-being, leading to unhealthy and often abusive relationship patterns. Addressing these issues typically requires strong boundary setting, improved communication, and sometimes professional intervention (therapy) to help individuals understand and change these destructive patterns.

This post is more aggressive than my usual posts but this can happen from time to time when the topic is dangerous and critical. So it requires strong analytical skills and an assertive approach. Until the next post, good bye!